May You Rest In Peace, Anita

Few days ago I was thinking how I should begin with this entry. As usual, there were so much things to say but none was mentioned.

Last Sunday, I received a devastating message from a friend. I went to the "Perfect for Livin' " Expo in KL Convention Centre. Personally, I felt that these trips to the Convention Centre would actually be boring becaus there were nothing for me to see over there. To be precise, totally nothing for me to shop. However, my views changed when I went there. I was pretty fascinated when I stepped into Hall 1 of the Convention Centre itself. Basically, I learned a lot of new things that day. I remembered texting my friend, telling him how fascinated I was and I was pretty surprised that things did not turn out the way I thought it would be. After that trip, I could say I have an idea how I would want my future house to be.

While listening to one of the salesperson explaining something to me, I received a message from Kit Mun. I was totally in shocked when I read the message. It started of with, "Our dear friend, Anita Mary passed away due to skin disease. The funeral is today at...". Honestly, who would expect to receive such a message? It is totally a devastating one. I remembered shouting "Oh my God" in the middle of the discussion with the salesperson. Everybody was amazed. Dad asked me what happened and I told him. I even forwarded the message to Poi Phoon and Jo-Ey. All of us were just so shocked and beginning asking each other whether anyone of us will attend the funeral.

All this while, I have heard stories of Anita being in the hospital. I heard that she did not manage to proceed with Form 6 at all. I knew that she had skin disease which caused her to be weak and could not get out of bed. Then I even heard that there was this day where she actually did go home but was admitted to the hospital the following day. I remembered telling Jo-Ey how pitiful Anita was. I wanted to visit her, but nobody would accompany me. And I totally regretted for not visiting her at all. I could not even see her for the last time. After that day, her image was all over in my mind. I remembered how I used to joke around with her back when we were in Form 5. I told her, I have this Indian guy friend whom I thought of introducing to her. It was for fun! Eventually, I did not do that but my guy friend told me that he got to meet her during an interview for scholarship. Accordingly, she told him my plan of introducing both of them. I was pretty embarassed at that moment even though I was joking.

Well, I just did not expect that a friend of mine could leave this world so soon. Being only 20, she did not manage to see the world yet. There are so many things out there to explore. She did not have the chance to do so. There are so many things to be achieved, so many things not done, not even working. We all said that God took her back too soon. I was and still am feeling sick therefore I did not attend her funeral.

See Wan called me last night to tell me that she did not manage to donate some money to Anita's family. I asked her how did the funeral go. She told me Anita's mum cried badly. It is totally understandable. Who would not? Then See Wan told me that the priest said he once visited Anita in the hospital and Anita told him that she was suffering. When I heard See Wan saying that, I was imagining how suffering Anita was. It totally freaks me. I was scared at that moment. Then I said, at least this could end Anita's suffering. Anita was tough enough, battling with her disease for more than 2years.

My friends told me, this incident shows that we have not seen the world yet. We have not experience so many things yet. This comprises going overseas, vacations, working, and having boyfriends. Then I was told that they now begin to think of having boyfriends. My friend then asked me whether this incident has influenced me in getting a boyfriend sooner. I gave no reply at all. Well, if my friend wants an answer, here it goes:

No, it did not influence me in thinking to get a boyfriend soon. I am not saying that you are desperate. It is just that, how soon could that be? You cannot control things like this. If you have not meet the suitable guy, how will you get a boyfriend? Like we all know, nobody knows when we will die. We could die the very next day. At that point, are you going to regret for not having a boyfriend? Fine, you might get one, and then die. Will you then regret that you did not get married and have children? Even if you were lucky enough to get a boyfriend, marry and get kids, you will then regret for not being able to live and have grandchildren. The law just goes on. Even if God decides to give you plenty of years to live, and go through the whole process and even get grandchildren, you will regret for foregoing choices which you did not choose last time. To make things simple, you will regret no matter when you die. Since you will regret anyway, then why don't you live life the fullest and just enjoy it? Why want to know bother yourself with regrets?


Anita, May you rest in peace.